


Take the Bad Stuff Out (And Leave the Good Stuff In)

by maevewren



Series: Meaningful Magical [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 11:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21493456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maevewren/pseuds/maevewren
Summary: Derek has some weight-related body issues very briefly at the beginning, so please skip if that's upsetting for you!Title from Shel Silverstein’s “Hinges.”
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Meaningful Magical [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542610
Comments: 11
Kudos: 130





	Take the Bad Stuff Out (And Leave the Good Stuff In)

**Author's Note:**

> Derek has some weight-related body issues very briefly at the beginning, so please skip if that's upsetting for you!
> 
> Title from Shel Silverstein’s “Hinges.”

“Stiles!”

Stiles leaps out of the shower at the sound of panic in Derek’s cry. “What? What is it?” he yells, dripping all over their bathroom floor.

“My _pants_ don’t _fit_. Like, at all. I can’t even get them past the bottom of my _ass_.”

Not willing to entertain this ridiculousness, Stiles ignores his husband and gets back in the shower. He starts humming a bad Maroon 5 song loudly.

“Did you hear me?” Derek demands, storming into the steamy bathroom.

Stiles continues to hum as he rubs soap on his skin.

“Stiles,” Derek growls. “Turn off the fucking shower.”

Stiles sighs so loudly he hopes it hurts Derek’s sensitive werewolf eardrums. He cranks the water off but doesn’t leave the shower stall.

“Derek, I told you I’m not doing this.”

“But I’m getting fat.”

“And I told you that you shouldn’t care because a) that is part of pregnancy and b) you shouldn’t care because it’s dumb.”

Derek just stands there. Stiles can make out his furrowed brows through the privacy glass of the shower stall door.

“I see you scowling.”

“I’m just not prepared for this.”

Stiles slams out of the shower and grabs a towel. He dries himself off roughly while trying to calm down.

“Okay, listen, mister. I’m only going to say this once more.”

“What,” Derek says, sulking.

“You are a gorgeous man. Maybe the most gorgeous man who ever lived. Like, really. It’s weird how pretty you are. It isn’t natural.”

More growling.

“But you need to understand that your beauty is neither important nor dependent upon you having a six-pack. I’m not sure whether I should tell you that you’d be hot at any weight, which is true, or that you shouldn’t care about being hot, which is also true.”

Derek gives Stiles a frustrated look and huffs off into their bedroom, where he collapses onto the bed.

“Muffin puffin,” Stiles soothes as he follows Derek. “Come on now. We’ve gotta get past this because this is only the beginning; your body is going to change a lot more.”

“Like how,” Derek asks in a tiny voice, watching the ceiling.

“Oh gosh. Like, pregnancy acne is coming. And pregnancy backne. And you’re going to get swollen in weird places, and you might get weird rashes. You’ll probably get hemorrhoids. Can werewolves get hemorrhoids?” Stiles stops to ponder this.

“You’re not helping.”

“Oh! And after the baby comes, like half your hair will fall out.”

“What?” Derek gasps, grabbing at his scalp.

“But only because your hair stops falling out when you’re pregnant. So it will be extra lustrous for the next 8 months, that’s fun, right?”

“You’re horrible at this.”

“Der,” Stiles says, lying down next to Derek. “It’s amazing that you’re doing this. Thank you. I would show even more gratitude, except that, you know, I did this twice already. So.”

Derek whimpers. “I don’t know how you survived.”

“Oh geez.” Stiles gets up and starts pulling clothes from his dresser. “I’m really not used to this whiny version of you. It’s not normal. Where’s that icy stoicism you were so good at when I was in high school?”

“Gosh, I dunno honey, maybe it was part and parcel of my severe emotional damage and distress at the time?” Derek grabs one of Patrick’s stuffed animals, which somehow landed in their bed, and hurls it at Stiles’ back.

“Hmm, that’s fair,” Stiles says as he pulls on a tee shirt. “It was pretty sexy, though.”

“Please,” scoffs Derek. “You were not attracted to me back then.”

“Uhhhhhh.” Stiles gives Derek a wide-eyed look. “Are you joking right now?”

“You were all over Malia, and then right to Lydia!”

“God, you giant dummy. They both initiated something with me. You just gave me mean looks and occasionally tossed me at hard surfaces. And rolled your eyes a lot.”

“I still do that.”

“With the best of them,” Stiles agrees.

“So you’re saying if I had tried something back then…”

“Oh god no,” Stiles shakes his head. “I would have assumed you were possessed by a demon or high on wolfsbane. I never would have believed you were into me for real.”

“That’s stupid,” Derek says. “I had a recurring wet dream about your mouth back then.”

“Aw, honey,” Stiles croons as he crawls back onto the bed. “You say such romantic things.”

Derek shrugs. “Enjoy it before it’s all coming out of the mouth of the hideous hell-beast I’m going to become.”

“Ugh,” Stiles says. “This is the problem with being too attractive your entire life. The possibility of backne for a few months and you’re ready to hurl yourself off a bridge. I never knew you cared this much about your looks. I always thought you just sort of accepted being a god among mortals and didn’t think about it.”

Derek sighs. “I don’t know. Historically my looks have been what opened doors for me.”

“Babe, I love you, but you have to admit that most doors that have been opened to you have led to pretty shitty places.”

“Except since I got together with you.”

“Exactly. And I don’t care what you look like.”

Derek scrunches up his face. “How can that be true? You’re constantly feeling me up and telling me how beautiful I am.”

Stiles rolls his eyes. “That’s because I am wildly, savagely attracted to you. You, the person. The person who is beautiful and incredible and so secretly soft and sweet and strong. It’s not about your body or your hair. Those are very nice, yes, but I don’t need them.”

“Hmmm. I don’t think I could do without your lips. Or eyes. Or moles. Or hands. Or-”

“I get it, you’re shallow.”

“Thanks,” Derek says softly. “For...you know.”

“Just one more thing,” Stiles says as he gets off the bed to finish getting dressed. “Every mean thought you’re tempted to have about yourself - imagine Kelsey or Patrick thinking that way about themselves.”

“Fuck no!” Derek looks stricken.

“Yeah, exactly. Try loving yourself as much as you love them. You should. I do.”

“Okay, Oprah.”

Stiles frowns. “Pregnant you is so extra sassy. I don’t know if I love it or hate it.” 

“Yes you do.”

“You’re right. I love it. What do you think about the kids staying at my dad’s tonight? We could have a date night in? I could sex you up real good?”

“I don’t know,” Derek says, considering. “I was planning on doing a lot of farting tonight.”

“Are the two things mutually exclusive?”

“Romance is dead.”

Stiles grins and blows his husband a kiss. “Between us? Never.”


End file.
